If I chased after God with the same level of intensity that I have when I want something or want to be forgiven, I would be the super Christian robot cyborg of the future.
I like robots, but I feel like I am becoming one which isn’t good.
You see, there is this thing with me, where I don’t feel much.
I don’t get happy, I don’t get sad, mad or anything, it is as if my emotions are just shut off.
Over the last few years I have slowly become numb to the point where I start to wonder if there is a point I can’t return from.
I tried sky-diving to see if I could “feel” excitement since I had started to wonder if I could feel anything, but, apparently, sky-diving was not as interesting as I had hoped. I plunged head first out of the plane but I didn’t even feel my heart rate go up.
The only thing I noticed was that my hands were cold.
*yawn*
My mom thought I was clinically depressed since I didn’t get any sort of rush.
So now, sitting here at 8am without having slept, exhausted, working on a delivery that is months in the making, fighting with people on Skype, missing Amy like a duck, but I am too numb to feel the emotions behind any of those statements.
I am pushing at all times now to be able to write and push my God focused efforts forward in ways that I know are more beneficial than launching a web site or making money, because the only thing that I actually feel these days, is when I do something for God and his presence is felt.
If that is all I am feeling these days, I am fine with that.
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