Amy and I have been married for a few months now, and one of the things that I noticed right away was that other women didn’t suddenly become ugly just because I put a wedding ring on my finger, just like sin didn’t suddenly become ugly because I became a Christian
*gasp*
But, But, All Those Fairy Tales Led Me To Believe…
When I was growing up, I had always imagined that when I met my spouse, all thoughts and inclinations for anyone else other than her would become totally eradicated
Oh sure, in a world filled with living happily ever after, this sounded like a perfectly logical chain of events to my young, thirty-three year old mind at the time, but the reality of marriage was something quite different
In a world of infidelity, pornography, and “harmless” flirting, humanity has consistently shown it has an exceptional ability to get itself into trouble when it comes to backing up its promises of monogamy
But for me, I somehow got it into my head that everything in *my* case would be different!
…um, yeah
Marriage: The New Era Of… Virtually Nothing
Despite my overwhelming joy, I vividly remember how nothing significant happened the day Amy and I got married beyond me thinking “Hmm, I am married now”
There was no instant shift in all my perceptions of the opposite sex, and no instant gag reflex when I looked at an attractive woman, it was more a feeling of my own bewilderment as the much anticipated, world-changing “event” didn’t take place
I mean that literally, the next day I was stunned, beyond belief that my world did not shift–talk about God exposing an area that needed growth!
It was not that I was always on the lookout before, but I have to admit there was a storybook, fairy tale expectation burrowed deep in my mind that marriage would somehow cure every desire for someone else
Do not quote me, but I am pretty sure this type of attitude is not the pathway to a healthy marriage!
Wait, Was That, A Feeling?
Amy was the first person I have ever changed my lifestyle for, hands down
That may sound like a self-centered statement, and it is, but I have never in my life permanently altered my thoughts or lifestyle for anyone, but when I met Amy that all changed, primarily because I didn’t want to do anything that hurt her feelings–I cared for, and respected her too much
After my feelings of empathy introduced themselves for what felt like the first time, it hit me that it was not that I had changed my life for Amy, that was not it at all!
The truth was, I had finally learned to put someone’s feelings before my own, and I did not even realize it, the process just sort of happened
Dun dun dunnn…
Love My Who?
Yes, we all know we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, and treat others how we want to be treated
*yawn*
But what do these statements really mean for us on a day-to-day basis?
Mark 12:33
To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices
Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you
It means we should think about other people’s feelings before we do things, it doesn’t sound hard, but wow, it is (sometimes!)
I genuinely believe this is the toughest thing a Christian can do: be empathetic towards God and those around us to the point where we alter our lifestyle and not do things we may want to do–thankfully, those “wants” melt away as we grow closer to God, overcoming sin in the process
People Are An Important Training Ground For Our Relationship With God
1 John 4:20-21
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister
I have read this passage so many times, but I never really got it until the past few weeks–it seems obvious, but this passage is not just saying love your neighbor and God
No, the only way we can understand this verse is if we understand God’s definition of love itself
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends
Hmm, so when I was actively choosing to do things I knew would hurt the people around me, including God, are you saying that I was not loving them?
Are you seriously telling me that when I chased after my “wants”, which often translated into sin, I was putting my desires for death above the feelings of others, and this is *not* God’s definition of love?
Wait, what…?
Hindsight is 20/20
In the moments that hang on eternity where we decide whether to sin or not, I used to be afraid of what would happen if I sinned, but now the first thing I think about is that I do not want to hurt God’s feelings
Thinking this way was impossible without having a love for God though, as I had no regard for his feelings prior to feeling empathy for the anguish I caused him with my sinful behavior
When I crossed that bridge, I realized I was in the process of crossing between brotherly kindness and true love for others–I did not understand this journey until I got married, so maybe marriage really did cure everything?
Ha!
2 Peter 1:3-9
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins
[TommyChong] That’s some deep stuff, man [/TommyChong]
I’m gonna have to meditate on that stuff. Seems like all anyone really wants in the world is to be loved, but how can you be loved if you aren’t loving? And how can you be loving if you’re selfish? There’s a paradox that can only be unknotted by experience, not philosophy.
Hi Bennett!
That quote made me laugh XD
Some things that come to mind as a keep thinking on this topic are how Jesus commanded us (I almost wrote “told us”) to love our enemies, which is an interesting reflection of how God loves his own enemies, and we must do the same as well
1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us
Romans 5:6-8
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us
Luke 6:35-36
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful
Jesus died for all creation which is an epic statement, and it is the ultimate example of how we should love mankind, God, and ourselves, but it is not an easy journey, as we are raised from birth to think of ourselves first
Psalm 51:5
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me
I completely agree that the ability to truly love comes from experience, but it is also a completely natural state when we dwell in, not just visit, the presence of God–something that does not happen overnight!