Amy is my best friend, a spiritual partner, and inspires me to be a better person in every way; nothing could have prepared me for that.
Since the benefits of a Christian relationship are so amazing, why did I run from one for so long?
Simply put: I wasn’t ready
Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On… You!
Okay, so at some point in almost everyone’s life, we usually look for a partner
Whether it is for companionship, physical interaction, greater financial stability, validation or for whatever reason, but generally speaking humans tend to gravitate towards relationships
However, as we continually grow, the things we find ourselves attracted to often change as we evolve, so it can be pretty much guaranteed that we will make some good and bad partner decisions along the way; finding out who we are and what we want is a natural part of life
But, to make these experiences truly valuable, we have to learn from each one, and hopefully not repeating the same bad ones, otherwise the consequences from our bad choices are totally pointless
How Do We Know If We Are Learning From Our Choices?
Well, the number one thing that shows someone is probably not learning from their dating choices is when they say things like:
“I keep dating jerks”
“They never realize how much I love them”
“People never listen to me, all they ever want to do is make out”
*yawn*
Yeah, okay
These people sound terrible and all, but don’t forget dating has two parts: you and the other person
Besides, there isn’t a giant conspiracy happening where the jerks of the world unite to make our lives difficult!
We Are Defined By What We Hunger For
Without a doubt, the things we are attracted to by nature go a long way in defining us as individuals
Because come on, it isn’t the things that we have to rationalize or convince ourselves that we like that reveal our true character and preferences, it is the things that instantly bring us delight or inspire emotion–sometimes beyond any explanation
However, as natural as our reactions can be to some things, there is no guarantee those things are actually good for us
Jude 1:10
Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals—these are the very things that destroy them
We have to always measure our thoughts and actions against God’s will and word, there is no other way to navigate life
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will
Ecclesiastes 12:13
Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man
I say this because it is very easy to get attracted to a non-Christian person because they seem more “fun”, open-minded or just “different”
A Real Christian Relationship Means Accountability, Real Intimacy, And No More Hiding!
In retrospect, the main reason I never wanted to be in a Christian relationship was because I didn’t want to be held accountable to a standard that I didn’t want to hold myself to–God’s standard of righteousness
Ouch, the truth hurts!
Even though I had been a Christian all of my life, I had always been at war with the piece of me that did not want to live in a way where I had to be disciplined, responsible or consistent with my behavior as I was just not ready to totally let go of some sinful areas of my life
But if I was married to a good Christian woman, there is no way I could backslide, be lazy or live an outright life of sin–they would never tolerate it!
Don’t Leave Your Gift Unopened!
One of the other reasons I did not pursue Christian relationships was simply because I had no idea how awesome and rewarding it would be
This is the case with a lot of things, as we often don’t know what we have, or what we are missing, until we gain a broader perspective that allows to understand the true value of something or until we experience something new and see that there is more out there than we thought
This is the case with dating Christians who truly love God–nothing can prepare you for it!
A good Christian relationship should always have God at the center, and be made incredible by the fact that both people are striving to be remade in God’s image, and love the other person above themselves, which is definitely not a path for the lazy or uncommitted!
1 Peter 1:16
for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband
Proverbs 31:10
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised
More food for thought. I dunno that I’m ready for any kind of relationship right now, in my phase of life, but yours sounds like the sort that I’m aspiring towards in the future.
Funny thing, while I was up at the church yesterday, a minister stopped by the group of young men I was with and said, basically, that it warmed his heart to see that there were still men under thirty who loved God, who’d be seen with the Bible in their hand, and who’d respect and love a woman. He’d just come from the girls’ study, where the common complaint was that a God-fearing man was tough to find, and they doubted that any even existed anymore–they’d been wasting time on heathens, and paying for it.
We, of course, offered to take phone numbers, if he could get ’em. Anything for the Church. 😉
Hi Bennett,
It is great that minister was encouraged to see young people who have a heart for God, I can’t imagine what it will be like raising kids who grow into a mature relationship with God of their own!
Relationships overall can be tough, and I found that trusting God to know when we, and the other person, are ready is best
God has a good sense of humor in that regard, as he won’t give us something we aren’t ready for unless he wants us to burn our hands touching it (slight pun!)
Bad relationships can be some of the most damaging things in our lives if we choose wrong, and even Christian couples who are imbalanced can weigh each other down if they aren’t careful
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
I know Paul meant this in the context that he wanted people to give God their undivided devotion, but if you can be with someone *and* have both of you be focused on God, it achieves the same purpose with better results!
With that said, the challenge of finding a good woman or man to marry is an epidemic, and a lot of people lose hope that they will find “someone”, but being defeatist is a reflection that someone isn’t ready anyways as God’s timing is rarely our own, and he always knows best in the end
Also, I am sure that in most cases, God would delight in giving us someone who loves him, and a great way to prepare for that is by becoming someone who loves God ourselves–we want an amazing gift, but we should be one too!
I think the readiness issue is a real one to confront, although not everyone wants to hear the hard truth. Namely–our partners are reflections of ourselves. Certainly not 1:1 identical, but there will always be a balance, because there’s no way to attract someone better than you, at least not without deception coming into play (and that can’t last for long.)
In other words, you can’t do any better than yourself. If I find myself continually dating women of low character, or low attractiveness, or or low intelligence, or some index of the three, then I have to look at myself. Am I taking care of my body as God intended? Do I live in accordance with his Word? Do I use my brain to its fullest capacity? Does God’s light shine from me, or do I try to find it in other sources? In other words, if I were a woman, would I date me? Would I, as a woman, want me as the father of my children? Would I trust me to raise them alone, if God called me to Him prematurely, and fully trust that those kids would be well-tended? Would I trust me, if my back were turned?
If I can’t give a resounding yes to all those questions, one borne out of honest self-searching and not arrogance, one confirmed by God’s word, then I have no business giving myself as a gift to someone. I’ll either get with someone who’s only going to be a stumbling block (some couples can boot-strap one another, I suppose, but for the most part I find that progress happens at 1/10th the rate), or else I’ll be inflicting myself on someone better than me, whom I don’t deserve, and they’ll see that sooner or later.
So–either I’m unworthy, or the other person is unworthy, or we’re both liable to stagnate, until I can look in the mirror and say “Yes, if I were the other party, I’d marry me with joy in my heart”, rather than “Well, I guess I’m okay” or “I suppose I’d do me, if I didn’t have other options.”
Honesty is tough, but lies are tougher. Or, what’s the old cliche? Education is expensive, but not nearly as much so as ignorance?
Oh, and when I say “prematurely”, I’m referring to what I’d expect to be my own and my wife’s personal preferences for how long I or she would live, not questioning God’s wisdom. We all get just enough time, like the song says.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKvIo1EDt0s if you need a good weep)